


Collapse of Ace (of Hearts)

by seohoverse



Series: House of Cards [1]
Category: ONEUS (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Geonhak is an angel, Hurt/Comfort, I don't know where I was going with this, I think I made Geonhak softer than I meant to, M/M, Mutual Pining, Seoho is just a baby that needs protecting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24881956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seohoverse/pseuds/seohoverse
Summary: Seoho's grown uncomfortable in his own body. Geonhak wants to let him know he's always there for him.
Relationships: Kim Geonhak | Leedo/Lee Seoho
Series: House of Cards [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1800469
Comments: 8
Kudos: 115





	Collapse of Ace (of Hearts)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first seodo fanfic and I've been dying to write this for the longest time. Also, there are still two other parts to this story that are coming up :)

Seoho's gained weight.

Honestly, it wasn't something to be shocked about. He knew this was bound to happen. When they visited Japan to promote Lit, all Seoho had done was eat. He even watched the videos uploaded of him and his group members backstage, and he was caught eating on camera several times. All of them were constantly eating. It was hard not to eat when he was in Japan. Their cuisine was exquisite and he couldn't get sick of it no matter how many times he ate there. Whenever ONEUS was in Japan, they had to go out and eat. It was a must when they were visiting a country with such great food.

He hadn't noticed when he'd gained weight. It just... happened. Many signs warned him about his weight gain, but he'd turned a blind eye to it all until now.

That one time before their concert, Hwanwoong had jokingly pointed out that his face looked swollen. He wasn't surprised. They'd all chosen to stay up and eat cup noodles in the comfort of their hotel rooms rather than go to bed and get a good night's rest. Every single one of their faces was swollen the next morning. At the time, Seoho had found it funny, despite complaining about it to his makeup artist. It was just a little swell, he had thought, just a little swell.

The second sign had been a few days ago when he tried to get his pants on in the change room. "I don't understand why it's so hard to stuff myself into these pants," Seoho had grumbled. Maybe the stylists gave him a pair of pants a size too small. There was a chance this was Hwanwoong's pair.

Geonhak had laughed. "You've gained weight. We all ate like pigs yesterday." He'd started laughing harder when Seoho tripped and fell forward, the pants still barely on his legs. Seoho had scowled and picked the closest thing to him—which happened to be his shoe—and flung it at Geonhak's head, barely missing by a mere few inches.

Now, though, as Seoho checked his appearance for the last time in the mirror before heading onstage, it was so much clearer. He didn't understand how he hadn't noticed it until now. They were supposed to be on stand-by—all the members already left the room and were making their way backstage—but Seoho had stopped to make sure his makeup wasn't smudged and his hair was still intact.

The younger members tended to get wild before and after performances.

That was when his eyes fell on his face as a whole. His face looked much rounder—it was way too evident that he'd gained weight. His cheeks looked full and his whole face looked swollen, except this time, he knew it wasn't just swollen from food. He'd gained weight.

A knock from behind him startled Seoho out of his thoughts. It was Young Jo. "Are you not coming? We're starting soon."

"What? Oh right, yeah. I just had to check my makeup. I'm coming."

"Okay, be quick." With that, Young Jo left. Left Seoho with nothing else but himself and his thoughts.

Heaving out a big sigh, Seoho settled for adjusting his black bangs, gently pushing them a little to the side to fall more over his eyes. Chancing one last glance at himself, he tried to tug on a bright smile.

He was about to perform. He couldn't let it show that there was something wrong. In just a few minutes, the echoing of screams and chants of his name—of ONEUS' name—would fill the whole venue. For the sake of To Moons, he had to be happy.

~~~

"Wow, that was just unbelievable," Hwanwoong exclaimed as every ONEUS member slowly trickled back into their change room. He held a thick paper towel to his forehead as he tried to wipe all the sweat that currently ran down his face and neck. "Did you hear the way they were screaming our names? Even with my in-ear monitor, I could still hear them. Our To Moons are amazing."

"They were loud," Dongju agreed. To no one's surprise, he headed straight to the mini-fridge in search of another cola.

Plopping down on the couch next to Young Jo, Keonhee tried to curl into him, to which Young Jo shrieked in disgust and began pushing at his forehead. "Ah, get off me! You're sweaty."

Tuning Young Jo out, Keonhee said, "Let's go somewhere to eat. I'm really hungry."

"You had instant noodles right before the concert," Geonhak deadpanned, snatching the cola right out of Dongju's hand and taking a sip despite the repeatedly delivered slaps to his shoulder.

"So? I just danced off all the calories, and now I'm hungry again," Keonhee whined.

Hwanwoong nodded. "Before that, though, we should probably head back to the dorms to shower. We all look like we stink."

"We _do_ stink," Young Jo said, his eyes specifically narrowing on the mop of blue hair on Keonhee's head, non-verbally calling him out.

"Then if we go somewhere to eat, what should we get?" Keonhee asked.

"Samgyeopsal for me."

"I know a place that has really good hoeddeok."

"Tteokbokki!"

"No, we had that yesterday, Dongju-ah."

"What's wrong with having it again?"

"I think we should just go simple and have ramyeon back at the dorm."

"We could get fried chicken delivered."

"That doesn't sound too bad," Hwanwoong said. The rest of the members collectively agreed.

The only one who still hadn't said anything yet was Seoho. He'd been oddly quiet since they returned from the performance, seating himself on the edge of the couch next to Geonhak.

Taking in Seoho's odd silence, Geonhak turned to him. "What about you, Hyung?"

Seoho hadn't been listening. He'd been lost in his world as he thought back to every little mistake he had made during the concert. During the rehearsal earlier that day, when they were practicing Twilight, he hadn't lifted Hwanwoong high enough, which had almost resulted in Hwanwoong losing his balance and hurting himself. 

Not only that, but he also made a slight slip-up when dancing to Red Thread. It wasn't noticeable—the other members didn't seem to pick up on it, and neither did their fans—but he certainly noticed, and it caused him to fumble more than once.

He was so out of it, so when he realized he'd been addressed, he couldn't help but startle. "W-What?"

Geonhak casually threw his arm around Seoho's shoulder, to which Seoho flinched, tensing up. "What do you mean, what?" Geonhak frowned. "Were you not listening? We're discussing what we should eat. What do you want to have?"

It was then that Seoho felt all eyes on him, waiting expectantly. He grinned. "Have whatever you want. I'm not craving anything right now so I'm down for whatever you guys choose."

Hwanwoong nodded, looking convinced, and he turned to the others to gather up the votes. It was not an easy task when Dongju was still going on about wanting tteokbokki and soon, they all began shouting over each other for which pick would be better. Any thoughts of having civil voting flew right out the window.

None of the members seemed to notice Seoho after that.

But Geonhak did.

He felt the way Seoho had flinched when he threw his arm around him. He was able to feel every single muscle in Seoho's body tense up. He saw with his own eyes how Seoho's whole expression seemed to freeze in time.

~~~

"1, 2—Again, again," Hwanwoong called, standing up to pause the music.

It was just another day of practicing in their dance practice room. The clock on the wall read 11:46 AM. They'd been practicing for almost four hours now. Geonhak had been one of the first to wake up at 5 AM to get a bit of exercising in, but now he was starting to regret it when all of his muscles were screaming in exhaustion.

All the members were exhausted. Keonhee was currently sprawled out on the floor, having collapsed the moment Hwanwoong made them stop. Seoho was turning his water bottle back and forth as if something was interesting on the plastic thing, and Young Jo—Geonhak had no idea how Young Jo still had the strength to be standing upright. Dongju tossed Geonhak his water bottle from the corner of the room, and Geonhak accepted it gratefully before taking a long sip.

Hwanwoong had woken up right after Geonhak, which came as the biggest surprise for all of them because Hwanwoong and waking up early were two concepts that didn't go hand-in-hand. But somehow, he'd startled everyone awake by yelling and saying they needed to practice as if there was anything they needed to practice when they were promoting Fly With Us. They'd all returned late after their recording on MCountdown and hadn't even properly prepared for bed before every single one of them collapsed onto their beds. Even then, Hwanwoong had dragged them all out against their wills to get them to practice, claiming that he caught a ton of errors in their performance and they needed to smoothen it out.

Which was why they were here, cramping and shaking from the lack of sleep and the constant waves of exhaustion hitting them.

Yeah, Geonhak could easily conclude that he liked Hwanwoong better when he was the last to wake up.

"Seoho Hyung," Hwanwoong addressed, singling him out. At the call of his name, Seoho perked up from where he was sitting with his back against the wall-length mirror, his untamed black hair misbehaving and falling in front of his eyes. "When we duck down on this part, you're standing up a beat too late." Hwanwoong turned to face the mirror and demonstrated what they were supposed to do. "We're all doing this, but you're a beat behind us, so it's not in sync."

"Oh, sorry," Seoho smiled meekly. "I'll watch out for that."

"Okay, we'll try it from the top. Everyone, stand up." However, there were a ton of complaints from every direction that they all needed a break.

"I'm cramping," Dongju whined.

"I think I'm dying."

"I don't even think I can sit up properly anymore."

"I'm feeling okay, though."

"Young Jo Hyung, in times like this, you should just stay silent."

In the end, Hwanwoong defeatedly sighed and let them all have a ten-minute break. Hearing that, Geonhak could finally relax and slump back into the wall, casually taking another sip of his water before running his fingers through his sweaty blond hair.

He then chanced a glance up at Seoho, who was staring blankly at his water bottle. Or at least, that was what it looked like, but his eyes seemed distant like he had something on his mind.

Geonhak wasn't sure if he was overanalyzing it, but lately, Seoho seemed more distracted, less approachable. It was as if he was purposely isolating himself from the rest of them. Maybe he was just overthinking it, but he couldn't help but think that there was something wrong when it came to his Seoho Hyung.

They'd prepared a ton for this album release, practicing night and day to perfect the dance, and Seoho had once messed up on the dance at the start of their promotions. Yes, they all made mistakes at the start; it was normal when they were still trying to get used to the dance and everything it had to offer. But Seoho almost seemed like he was back to square one, making the same mistakes again.

Geonhak was more than certain the other members hadn't yet picked up on Seoho's strange mood, but he certainly had. When it was Seoho, he never missed anything.

If there was one word he could use to describe Seoho, it would be the sun. Without the sun, the world would be set in an eternal night. Everyone's lives were set in an endless timeline of darkness, but they wouldn't even notice it until the light was shone upon them and they realized, "So this is what I've been missing out on." Seoho's brightness was what no one knew they were missing, and once they were graced with its beauty, they never wanted to part with it. He was their happy virus, always smiling brightly with his adorable eye smile and making lame jokes just to mess around with them. His happiness always carried with it lots of warmth, cloaking them all in a tight blanket, and when night finally fell once again, they just wished for the sun back.

Sometimes he felt like he made it too obvious he had feelings for him. He wasn't sure if the members had caught on that his feelings towards Seoho weren't all that platonic. He was convinced they still hadn't picked up on it, though, because by now, they would've already started to poke fun at him and tease him about it.

Despite Geonhak's outer appearance and his behaviour towards the ONEUS members, he was shy and had a hard time getting comfortable with people. So when he was brought over to meet Seoho for the first time and was told that he was pretty shy, too, he couldn't help but think, _Oh shit, two shy people in one room. Well, this couldn't get any more awkward, and I didn't even meet him yet_.

Contrary to his belief, however, Seoho had made it easy to open up to him. He smiled brightly, his eyes always turning into adorable crescents, and he had the melodic laugh of an angel. Whenever he talked about something he loved, his eyes would light up and sparkle like a million diamonds. His jokes were corny and weren't supposed to be considered funny, but Geonhak always found himself laughing, anyway.

Seoho was so talkative and lively with him that he was sure Seoho had been mistaken for someone else. He refused to believe that Seoho was shy when he was so playful with him until Geonhak witnessed him talk to others. That was when he realized, _Wow_ , _he_ is _shy_. He was always more closed off with others, but always free-spirited with Geonhak—it made Geonhak feel like someone special.

He wasn't all too sure when he'd even caught feelings for Seoho. It was just that one day, Geonhak woke up with the full realization that, _fuck_ , he liked Seoho. He liked him as more than just a best friend.

They were always bickering, always fighting over the smallest things. Seoho liked to tease him, and Geonhak liked to pretend it pissed him off when really, he just liked that Seoho was giving him attention. No matter how much they fought pettily, he always treasured their time together.

With those feelings, Geonhak realized, came the heavy observations—those moments where Geonhak would just sit there and, when he thought no one was watching, observe Seoho, study his every move, learn his likes and dislikes. And that was probably why only he noticed that Seoho was acting funny.

Their ten-minute break rapidly came to an end, and all the complaints started up again, causing an uproar in the practice room. Only Geonhak and Seoho didn't join in. This was a regular occurrence, and Geonhak never really took part in it, preferring to just sit back and watch it all unfold in amusement, but this time, Seoho was sitting out of it, too. Usually, he would spring up and start whining along with everyone.

Nothing seemed wrong with Seoho anymore, either. He looked content, gazing at the members with a fond smile. But Geonhak knew him better than that—could see the distant look that still lingered in his eyes.

Amidst all the complaining, the members still obeyed and got into their positions, waiting for the music to start up again.

And when they started practicing again, Geonhak couldn't help but notice that Seoho refused to look at his reflection. Not even once.

~~~

Something was wrong with Seoho, he finally concluded.

Geonhak didn't understand how he hadn't come to this judgment sooner.

He'd had that lingering feeling that wouldn't go away whenever he looked at Seoho—like there was a nagging voice in the back of his mind that could just feel that there was something off.

Every time Geonhak—or any of the other members, for that matter—tried to come in contact with Seoho, he'd flinch and move away, simply laughing it off. It wasn't as if Seoho was the touchiest or clingiest person in the world. He normally didn't show a lot of affection. The most he would probably do was sling his arm around someone or rest his chin on their shoulder—it was always kept minimal.

But he never rejected it either when presented with it. He'd always openly welcomed any affection the members threw his way, so Geonhak wasn't sure why, all of a sudden, Seoho was ducking and shying away whenever a member so much as came near him.

This had been going on for over a week.

"Hey, hey, hold him! He's about to fall over!"

"Why are you making _me_ carry him?!"

After fumbling with the keys a couple of times, Geonhak finally kicked the dorm room open and moved aside as Keonhee and Hwanwoong stumbled through the doorway, both carrying a half-asleep Dongju into the room, one of Dongju's arms slung over each of their shoulders. They were barely able to toe-off their shoes before rushing over to the couch in the living room to drop the youngest on.

Promotions that day had gone on longer than they'd expected, running late into the night. Before they knew it, every single one of them had fallen asleep in the van on their way back to the dorm, but even though they somehow managed to wake up, Dongju still refused to.

"God, I thought my back was about to give out right there," Hwanwoong groaned as he began shrugging off his beige coat. He threw it over the arm of the couch and plopped down next to Dongju's knocked-out form.

Agreeing, Keonhee heaved a sigh of relief and sat down on the floor by Hwanwoong's dangling feet. All the other members sat down one by one on the floor next to Keonhee.

The silence stretched out, and it was nice–with their window wide open, the only sound passing through them was the gentle, cooling breeze that grazed over their skins and lightly rustled their clothes.

Until Keonhee had to interrupt their perfect silence. "Let's order something to eat. We haven't eaten in a few hours, and I'm hungry."

"Right now?" Young Jo frowned. He stopped playing with the cuffs of his jeans and bore his eyes into Keonhee. "There probably aren't even any places open at this hour."

"What are you talking about? There are those twenty-four-hour fast-food restaurants that deliver at this time."

It wasn't like Young Jo could retaliate when all the members seemed to perk up at the mention of food, and he reluctantly sighed before agreeing.

While all the other members began throwing in their choice for food, Seoho stood up and stepped over Geonhak's outstretched legs on his way to the bathroom. Noticing this, Geonhak said, "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to take a shower," Seoho said nonchalantly.

"Why now? Just take a shower early tomorrow morning like the rest of us. By the time you come out, the food's already going to be delivered and it'll get cold."

Seoho grinned, bright and flashing all his teeth, but it never seemed to reach his eyes. "It's fine, just save some for me. I can heat it on my own." Without sticking around to hear Geonhak's response, Seoho fled to his room to fetch a pair of fresh clothes to change into and made his way to the bathroom.

After locking the door, he sighed and sagged back against the wall. His eyes flit up to his face in the mirror of the bathroom, and he winced. He'd gained more weight, even though he'd been careful not to eat too much. He had started to cut down on snacks and hadn't even had a proper breakfast or lunch unless having half an apple was proper enough.

But as much as he wanted to eat, looking at himself in the mirror, and just how much weight he'd gained, he felt sick to his stomach. His eyes looked sunken in, and on other days, it would've been easy to cover up with a bit of makeup, but without the makeup, he looked sick. His stomach looked flabby and too pudgy—nothing like what it used to be. The same went for his thighs.

When he locked eyes with the one staring back at him in the mirror, he froze. The person staring back at him...wasn't him. When he stared into his own eyes, he saw nothing but a bottomless pit—a dark abyss.

Gravity called for him and, as if thick, sticky honey was being poured on him, weighing him down, his knees buckled and he found himself holding his stomach with his back against the wall. 

~~~

It was forty minutes later when the bathroom door finally unlocked, and Seoho stepped out, wearing a pair of black sweatpants and a dark hoodie. His hair still hadn't dried and was sitting in unruly waves upon his head. Geonhak had half the mind to just run his fingers through it and fix it.

"Oh, thank god!" Hwanwoong dropped his fried chicken into the open box before he bolted up and pushed past Seoho to the bathroom.

Ripping his chicken with his teeth, Keonhee said, "He'd been waiting to use the bathroom right after you went in." He pushed at Dongju's arm that had fallen on him from the couch. The youngest member continued to snooze peacefully.

Geonhak patted the spot next to him. "The chicken isn't cold yet, and I barely managed to fight Keonhee and save some for you."

The oily smell of the fried chicken wafted over to Seoho and filled his nostrils. As if on cue, his stomach rumbled with the want to eat something after getting by with a single apple. And Geonhak had even gone out of his way to wrestle Keonhee for the chicken.

But no matter how much he wanted it, Seoho couldn't help but feel a twisted churning in the pit of his stomach—a feeling that prevented him from eating. From even wanting to eat anymore. One would be okay, though, right? He could let himself have just one—

"Thanks, but I'm full," Seoho blurted out before he could stop himself. "I don't feel like eating anything since it's so late." His empty stomach didn't seem to appreciate that one bit, but maybe it was for the best.

Geonhak couldn't even hide his baffled expression. It wasn't like he could force Seoho to eat if he didn't feel hungry, but if he skimmed through what little he remembered from the whole day, he was sure he didn't see Seoho eat anything.

"There was no point in stealing this when it was meant to be mine, anyway," Keonhee cheered joyfully as he hoarded the chicken Geonhak had saved especially for Seoho.

Geonhak didn't even have it in him to argue for the chicken back, because he was too busy watching as Seoho turned and headed for his bedroom.

He didn't miss the way Seoho tugged his sleeves over his hands.

~~~

After their pre-recording for their stage performance of Lit, all the members were gathered backstage, swarming the monitor to see the performance they had put on. Each member was only looking at themselves because that was what they normally did when watching their stage performances—everyone would admire themselves or find their smallest errors to clown themselves over.

But Seoho—he was too busy watching Geonhak in the recording. He'd had a harder time keeping his eyes down after Geonhak had first dyed his hair back to blond at the start of promotions like he was reverted to his pre-debut days.

There had always been something about his blond hair. Seoho wasn't so sure why he was so attached to Geonhak's blond hair, but he had a feeling it had something to do with how he had that exact hair colour when he first stepped into his life and casually made his way into his heart. In a way, Seoho saw the blond hair as what brought Geonhak to him, as the key to unlocking his heart.

When they first met, Seoho remembered how his breath had completely hitched upon gazing at who had to be the most beautiful man he'd ever seen in his life. With broad shoulders and a wide appearance along with a gaze that seemed to be set in stone, Seoho was sold. His blond locks had fallen prettily before his eyes and he'd only been in casual attire—a pair of light-washed jeans and a black sweater—but Seoho felt like his breath had been taken away.

He also realized that, with Geonhak, he would have to initiate the conversation if they had any chance of getting closer. When asked just how shy Seoho was and how bad he was with people, his friends could all testify to that. He normally didn't open up that easily with others and, if possible, didn't want to be the one initiating the conversation. But when he first met Geonhak, he understood all too well how he felt, and so he decided to be the one to open up first, hoping that it would help Geonhak see that he wasn't alone and he had someone he could talk to.

Just like that, they became nearly inseparable, despite being given the Tom and Jerry nickname because of all their petty squabbles. But those were the moments he treasured the most. Just spending time with him and knowing he had his attention was enough to make his day.

And sitting here, watching Geonhak perform, had Seoho's skin tingling. He was just perfect in every way.

In every way that Seoho wasn't.

Seoho wished he were in Geonhak's place instead. He didn't have a deep manly voice like Geonhak or have a nice, sculpted figure with broad shoulders like him. His face was too round compared to Geonhak's, and he had perfect facial features that drew anyone in, unlike Seoho, and—

Before he could stop himself, his eyes drifted over to himself on the monitor, at his hair, his face, his outfit. Watching their performance, Seoho realized just how horridly chubby he looked in that outfit. The green shirt was too tight, and so were the pants, and the black overcoat didn't do anything to cover him up. He shouldn't have worn that outfit; he just hadn't realized how disgusting he looked in it until now.

Someone sat down next to Seoho on the couch close to the monitor. It was Geonhak. "Wow, you look cool, Hyung."

He was lying, just trying to flatter Seoho. He knew this much at least. There was nothing about him that looked cool or was worth complimenting. And it hurt, knowing that his members were constantly lying to his face, and of all people, it just had to be Geonhak, the object of his affections.

But Seoho still somehow managed to choke out a mere, "Thanks," before turning away to blink away his forming tears.

~~~

This had been going on for over two weeks now—Seoho would avoid any form of physical contact and brush it off with a laugh, his smiles dwindled until there was no longer the regular shine to them, and he'd opted for wearing baggier clothing. From what Geonhak saw, as well, Seoho wasn't even eating much, choosing to say he'd eaten a lot.

He used that excuse that afternoon, too, when Hwanwoong asked Seoho if he wanted him to heat the leftover rice for lunch. "No thanks," Seoho had said, waving his hand dismissively. "I had a big breakfast."

As far as Geonhak was concerned, Seoho hadn't eaten anything more than a slice of toasted bread for breakfast.

The time was 9:45 PM when all the members finally gathered at the table in their dorm to fill their stomachs on the jjajang ramyeon that Keonhee had prepared for them, despite being just as exhausted as the rest of them after a long day at the fan sign and radio interview. However, seeing their fans kept them energized for a bit before their exhaustion finally caught up to them in the end.

The members collectively cheered upon viewing the frying pan set on the table before them, and Hwanwoong distributed the chopsticks and the bowls before they were hungrily digging in. It was chaos as they all shoved each other for seconds, some even on their thirds.

The only one who had barely touched his food was Seoho. As Geonhak watched him from his peripheral vision, Seoho pushed his ramyeon back and forth in his bowl, sporadically taking a bite, but for the most part, it was left untouched.

Geonhak didn't seem to be the only one who noticed—Keonhee noticed, too, because he raised his head and asked, "What's wrong? Does it not taste good?"

The question took Seoho by surprise, and he jumped before ponderously smiling. From what Geonhak observed, Seoho was doing that a lot lately. He'd always be in another world, and he'd jump in place whenever someone addressed him.

"W-What?" All of the members were waiting attentively for his response, and Seoho couldn't help but slowly start curling into himself. He despised the attention they were all giving him, their eyes pinning him down and boring through him, keeping him rooted in place and leaving him feeling inexplicably nervous. He shifted in his spot, the start of a cramp forming in his muscles. Opening his mouth, he tried to laugh, but what came out instead was a pitiful sound that died in his throat before the edges fully formed. "N-No, it's good. I'm just not hungry."

With a full mouth, Dongju said, "How can you not be hungry? We haven't eaten in hours."

Seoho waved his hands, trying his best to dismiss the topic. "Seeing our fans gave me energy, so I didn't feel hungry." Despite what he stated, though, Seoho didn't seem the least bit energized. He looked exhausted, completely drained.

In a matter of minutes, the pan was scraped clean of any noodles—which didn't come as a shock when all of them had been eating like vultures. By then, Seoho had somehow managed to—barely—finish the noodles in his respective bowl.

Geonhak frowned at how little Seoho had eaten. "Hyung, do you want more? I'm full, you can have mine." He pointed to his third bowl, already half-eaten. Maybe it wasn't much, but Seoho had hardly eaten anything.

Seoho just shook his head. "Nah, I'm good. I don't feel like eating anything." With that, Seoho headed to his room and shut the door behind him, leaving the living room in complete, stunned silence.

After a beat of stillness, they all turned to each other. Young Jo spoke first. "Is something wrong with Seoho? He was acting weird today."

Keonhee waved his chopsticks dismissively before picking at the last of his noodles. "I'm sure it's just because he's tired. We're all exhausted."

The members collectively agreed and dropped it at that, but Geonhak was unable to because even though they didn't seem to notice something was off, he saw. He'd been inspecting Seoho ever since he'd sensed something was wrong and as creepy as it sounded, he knew he had to because he knew Seoho was conflicted by something that he refused to discuss with any of them. Seoho was always like that. Others wouldn't understand when Geonhak said Seoho was closed-off because he always talked and was the group's light and laughter, but despite all that, Seoho seldom talked about his feelings, and if one pried at Seoho's smile and peeled the layers back, they wouldn't know what went on in Seoho's head. He was enigmatic like that. He was capable of deceiving everyone into believing he was an open book, but really, he was a locked chest, sealed shut from the world until someone found the right key to unlock his secrets and everything he was bottling up.

Over two weeks, Geonhak made out Seoho's strange behaviours. Seoho normally wore loose clothing around the dorm because there was no reason to be formal, but now, he'd taken to wearing baggier clothes even outside, tensing and freezing up every time the stylists tried to fit him into a more form-fitting outfit. His appetite had diminished, and he no longer spoke as much to them. Especially to Geonhak. Seoho was avoiding Geonhak like he was the plague the most. 

There was no stopping him and his curiosity—or moreover, his concern. The last thing he ever wanted was to see Seoho hurting alone. Someone had to help shoulder whatever he was dealing with.

So Geonhak abandoned the others in the living room and followed Seoho to his room. He didn't bother knocking and shoved the door open. The lights of the room were all shut off, leaving the room in a blanket of black, the sole source of light was the dim light shining through the window, courtesy of the white moon. Shutting the door behind him, Geonhak stepped farther into the room, faintly making out the silhouette on the bottom bunk. The sound of the door alarmed Seoho who was curled into a ball on his bed, where he was facing the wall. His hyung sat up in his spot, and when the light shone just at the right angle upon Seoho's delicate facial features, Geonhak could make out the mixture of confusion and panic written on his face. It felt like a punch to the stomach, and Geonhak stopped in his tracks, reconsidering whether or not it was the right idea to advance.

Seoho had never looked at him like that. Like he was someone to fear.

Cautiously, Geonhak approached the edge of the bed. Looking closer, it dawned on him that there were glistening tear stains plastered to Seoho's face. "Hyung, are—are you okay?"

In that instant, Geonhak felt oddly like a predator closing in on his prey. With every step he took, the scurry of his prey could be detected, breathing laboured and weighted, anticipating, yet simultaneously attempting to escape before he fell in the clutches of the one he wished to steer clear of. But that wasn't what Geonhak wanted. That was the fault in the comparison. He didn't wish to hunt him down–he wanted to let him know he was safe, that Geonhak was no one to be scared of. He was just Geonhak, the same person he'd always been close to in the group. Nothing more, nothing less.

It clicked then—that the one approaching Seoho was Geonhak. It spiked fear in him. He was a mess, and the shining tears in his eyes were unable to fall upon realizing who he was around. The last person to see him like that should've been Geonhak. He was supposed to be strong, yet he couldn't help but break down the moment he pulled his legs to his chest because it hurt. Everything hurt. Seeing himself in the mirror hurt because one morning he woke up and he was a stranger to himself. All of a sudden, he no longer felt comfortable in his own body. It'd happened out of the blue.

The bed dipped under Geonhak's weight when he took a seat, and Seoho's first thought was to kick him out, but he couldn't do that. Not when it was Geonhak. When it was Geonhak, he always succumbed to him. 

A warm hand cupped the side of Seoho's face, thumbing at the crystal tears under his eyes before proceeding to caress the soft skin of his cheek. Seoho withheld the urge to raise his gaze, was fearful of what he'd stumble upon when he looked into Geonhak's eyes. 

He was unaware that the gaze he so desperately cowered from was regarding him with such care and apprehension. Geonhak wasn't sure if he was allowed to advance any further—if he was allowed to push it anymore than he should. He watched as Seoho tried to squirm away from him, his pupils wavering.

"Hyung, you're shaking," Geonhak pointed out, and he watched as Seoho tensed. "Why are you crying?" There was no response, but it wasn't as if he hadn't seen this coming. Baby steps, he told himself, baby steps. 

The hand that continued to rest on his cheek was so warm, melting Seoho's insides to goo, and as embarrassing as it sounded, he just wanted to curl up into Geonhak's side and wish for this doubtful feeling in his heart to pass. But he didn't even deserve that. He didn't deserve it, he knew that, but he couldn't stop himself from leaning into Geonhak's comforting touch. Even if it was just for a moment, he felt at peace, knowing Geonhak was right there. 

Geonhak's gaze deepened as his mind conjured up every possible worst-case scenario. "Seoho, stop scaring me. Please answer, I'm worried about you."

Just like that, the balloon of peaceful headspace he was in popped, and Seoho was brought back to reality. He pushed Geonhak's hand away from his face and quickly jerked back. "Nothing's wrong. I just had a tiring day."

"But you're crying."

"Stop, Geonhak. I'm just tired." 

Seoho was a locked chest, bottling up all his feelings. Rather than letting someone shoulder his burdens, he preferred to isolate himself from the world until he could solve his problems on his own. Geonhak had yet to find that key to unlock him, but maybe he needed to start his search. If he didn't start now, the seal would grow rusty until it was no longer possible for the chest to open. 

When Seoho began pulling away from him, Geonhak's first thought was that this wasn't what he wanted. He grabbed Seoho's arm and tugged a little too harshly to get them to face each other. But he had to get his point across. "Hyung, you're always like this—hiding away because you believe you can handle it on your own. Talk to me, please? It's just me."

 _It's because it's you_. 

Seoho's wrist burned where Geohak was tightly gripping him, holding him in place, but not for the reason one would assume. His tongue itched and his throat bubbled with the need to say _something_ , but the fear outweighed it, being the anchor that weighed him down even though he desperately wished to float away with the current. 

"Talk to me if you're upset. You know you can trust me, right? I'm always here for you," Geonhak added, squeezing Seoho's wrist assuringly.

It wasn't that Seoho didn't trust Geonhak. He didn't trust himself, because Geonhak was Geonhak—someone so amazing and inspiring, and Seoho loved him, but there was no way Geonhak would ever return his feelings. He couldn't trust himself to keep his feelings at bay, and right now, Geonhak wasn't making it any easier for him.

In the end, Seoho managed to choke out, "I don't know what to tell you, or where to start."

Through the night, Seoho could see and feel Geonhak's piercing gaze soften. The concern was still there, and Seoho hated himself so much for being the reason why Geonhak felt that way. He shouldn't have to direct such care towards him. 

With his free hand, Geonhak wiped at the dried tear tracks on Seoho's face. "If you can't tell me now, tell me later. Whenever you feel ready, I'll wholeheartedly listen to you."

Amidst the chaos taking place in his heart, Seoho felt himself falling for Geonhak just a little bit more.

A new cycle of tears hit Seoho, and he felt them collect in the corners of his eyes again. He didn't know he could be so pathetic, but the sincerity in Geonhak's eyes was overwhelming, and he couldn't hold himself back. The wave of tears began trickling out of his eyes, down his face. He frantically wiped at them. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't—didn't mean to...I just—"

Geonhak tugged Seoho closer until the latter fell on him, practically half-sitting in his lap. A pair of stern arms circled around Seoho's waist, holding him close to Geonhak's chest. Even if Seoho tried to wriggle out of his grasp, the vice grip Geonhak had on his waist and his steel arms prevented him. Though, it wasn't like he wanted to. In his embrace, Seoho felt oddly at home. He didn't deserve Geonhak's attention, didn't deserve his reassurance and his warm comfort. 

Geonhak's hand carded through Seoho's hair, the locks reverting to its natural curly state. Seoho sagged completely into him. "Don't apologize. Tell me whenever you're ready. I know we're always arguing, but you know I'm always here for you, right?"

 _Of course_ , Seoho wanted to say. Of course, he knew. Geonhak must've been really quick-witted because he was always one of the first to notice when his condition was off. He was always Seoho's pillar, kept him on his feet when he needed someone.

Even with his face buried in the crook of Geonhak's neck, Seoho still couldn't find it in him to explain to Geonhak what he was feeling because, at that moment, he still couldn't quite put what he was feeling into precise words. Maybe he wasn't ready just yet, but despite the tears that kept pouring down his face, he didn't feel so fearful anymore, or alone. Being with Geonhak was enough.

Just this much was enough. 

**Author's Note:**

> My friend introduced me to ONEUS when Lit came out, but I was only a casual listener who listened to them sporadically until Road to Kingdom, and I realized I needed to officially stan them. And now they've taken over as my ult group and I would die for Seoho and seodo :))
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading and comments and kudos are always appreciated <3


End file.
